It's happened again. I've fallen in love.
Let me back up. A couple of weekends ago, I went with my friend, Leigh, to see Pandora Boxx at The Jungle in Atlanta. For those of you who don't know, Pandora Boxx was a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race 2. (Remember: I love drag. It's the epitome of Glittery Girl, even though all that glitters is not Girl!) She was performing along with some great Atlanta drag talent as part of a fundraiser for Jerusalem House, a local shelter for people living with HIV and AIDS.
I was a fan of Pandora's, and it was an experience that would've made me cry if I'd missed it. Leigh and I did actually cry a little bit, hearing the stories of people impact by AIDS and HIV. It was a really wonderful event. All of the ladies were spectacular. Pandora was so funny that I almost wet my pants several times that night.
The first song she did started stunningly beautiful:
All of my life, I've never fit.
But I won't complain, and I won't quit.
I am enormous, get used to it.
Everyone tells me I'm too much.
Maybe it's just you're not enough for me.
Can't you see,
That I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be?
I leaned over to Leigh and whispered, "I think I just found my new theme song!" Then the chorus:
My vagina is eight miles wide!
Absolutely everyone can come inside.
If you're ever frightened, just run and hide.
My vagina is eight miles wide.
I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard. A drag queen performing to such a song is beyond ironic, of course. I came home and promptly found and downloaded the song, performed by Storm Large.
I didn't know who the hell she was, but I learned pretty quickly that she'd been a contender on Rock Star:Supernova. I'd watched the first season, Rock Star:INXS, but am not a fan of Tommy Lee, so Supernova didn't interest me at all. I'm sorry now that I missed it, just because of Storm.
I bought her two albums, Crazy Enough (which includes "Eight Miles Wide") and Ladylike, Side One—a little birthday present to myself. I can't get enough!
These songs are personal and honest. They are sexually and emotionally frank, in the vein of Liz Phair and Poe and Pink (who I'm often surprised to find I secretly love). They're also in a great vocal range that I can nail beautifully in my natural contralto. These songs are melodic and sarcastic and painfully funny at times. It's all Storm, all the time, right now, especially in my car, where I've always said would be the best place to record my debut album.
I'm very picky about female singers. Generally I find them to be insipid and vapid, or else they try so damn hard to be hard that they just annoy the shit out of me. But this... this is good. Storm Large is a woman who is unafraid to be a woman and drop an f-bomb or forty in your lap.
Apparently there's a third, older record that I'll have to order. I'm doing it today. And I'm waiting patiently to see when she'll be performing close enough to me that I can catch her show. Maybe I'll even get lucky and buy her a drink and share stories of being glittery Amazons, tell her how her music has touched a nerve with me and how I'm sharing it with you.
Until that time, I'll be the one in my car, windows down and sunglasses on, singing about my "super vigantastically mystical feminine Goddess core", right in tune with the lovely Storm.
