I'm kind of a geek girl, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm not nearly so geeky as some, but I'm smart and I have a weird sense of humor. I wore glasses for a long time, though now only when I'm on the computer. (Thank you, LASIK!) I was in the gifted program from the third grade, right through my four years at a small, all-gifted, freak show of a high school. (I still dream about it sometimes. I know of no other school that had an annual drag show every Christmas, the Ms. Poinsettia contest.)
One thing I never really got into was comics. Maybe it's because neither of my parents really cared about them, so they never introduced them to me. I can admire their artwork (when it's good) and storylines (when they're cohesive), but I'm just not that into them.
But I love superheroes. As a kid, I loved to watch Isis on both the television (The Secrets of Isis) and in my coveted View-Master reels. I don't remember much about the specifics of the show, except that she was really pretty, had a great costume when she went from school teacher to ancient goddess, and there was a giant crow. Sometimes Shazam showed up. (I bought the entire series on DVD a couple of years ago and have yet to watch it. I guess I know what I'm doing this weekend!)
For years I would ask people randomly if they remembered a show that used to air on WTBS, long before it was the national TBS channel, based out of Atlanta. It was in black and white and featured a Japanese boy whose best friend (also a boy) could turn into a rocket. He had parents who could also turn into rockets. The human boy called the rocket people with a special whistle. Sometimes Godzilla showed up. Most people tried to tell me it was probably Ultraman. One look at pictures told me that was wrong. A couple of years ago, I Googled for it again. Finally! It was Space Giants, which was a terrible Japanese show that TBS used to fill its afternoon schedule. I loved it, but even by 1970's rerun standards, it was lacking in production quality.
My very, very favorite, though, was Wonder Woman. Oh, Diana Prince! How I wanted to be her! Any time anything went remotely wrong in my world--parents arguing, friends being mean to one another, cat scratching the carpet--I would run into the midst of the melee sing-screeching, "Wonder Woman!" while I spun around.
I spent the summer of 1978 trying to turn into Wonder Woman, but all I got was dizzy.
I didn't have a real Wonder Woman costume that I remember, but any vaguely superhero garb would do. Pillowcase cape: check. Old plastic Halloween mask: check. Rubberbands intricately woven around my toes like gladiator sandals: check.
Years later, while working on a totally unrelated geek project, 
The lasso of truth, though, and the invisible plane--those were all DC Comics. And what woman wouldn't love to have a golden lasso she could catch a man with and make him tell the truth? Or a really fast vehicle that let you be ultra stealthy while you traveled? I know there are logistical issues with the plane, but it still kicks ass.
So I often ask people what their superhero power would be, if they could choose one. After years of this, I often find the answers are incredibly telling about the person's psyche. A former boss of mine wanted to be able to sneak around undetected to see what others were doing. A woman I knew, who had two pre-teen daughters, wanted to be able to see through walls. And yet another female co-worker, who was obsessed with physical looks of both herself and others, wanted to be able to take on the form of anyone around her, to suit her needs in the moment.
I recently asked a couple of people this question again. Adam Taylor said his quick answer would be invisibility, but that he recognized he would likely get himself into trouble, a là the curious cat. Then he said he would probably choose to be able to run really fast, defying gravity and friction, because he often dreams of doing just that, and he relishes the sensation.
Interestingly, my mom said she has similar dreams, but for her it's more about the quick movement. She would like to be able to blink and just be somewhere without having to actually take the time to travel. There's no flying sensation that she's after. She hates the wasted time of the journey and would rather be able to enjoy the destination a little longer.
My elder son who adores going to the comic shop 
Then there's me. Would I like to be able to force people to tell the truth? Nope. How about fly, or walk through walls? Uh-uh. In mixed company, I will say that it's mind reading. It gives you something of a psychic, know-things-before-others-do kind of advantage. But there's also the double-edged sword of knowing what others really think of you. And then there's the potential problem of not being able to turn it off when you wanted, which makes people crazy in Superhero Land.
But the real answer (sorry, Mom!) is that I would like to be able to give people orgasms on command. Yep. You read that right. I came to this conclusion (no pun intended) around 1994, during a late-night, non-sober conversation with DH.
I think about what this ability would do for world peace, on the largest scale and the smallest. Would Tiananmen Square have gone differently if all of the repressed Chinese military had a unanimous, personal quickie? Would the LA Riots have been avoided if we could've given those four cops just ten seconds of unexpected release? Would that bitch at the grocery store just adjust the price of the mislabeled cookies if she had some sweetness of her own?
That would be teaching the world to sing.
I think fixing the world is kind of like rescuing your friend from the Borg. You gotta think low and slow. It won't be a grandiose fix to human nature, or some great moral lesson from without. It's all about making the little things better, and there just ain't anything better than that.
Comments