Boots and shoes under the sea are done with a whiting.

I love shoes.  I kind of always have.  Not necessarily wearing them, mind you, just having them and seeing them.  I mean, I love to get dressed up (or not) and wear the perfect shoe for that moment, but as soon as I get home, the shoes are off.  The boys have picked up this habit, unfortunately, so there's a constant pile of shoes by the front door, much to DH's chagrin.  I know the argument that it's better for your family's health not to track the dirt and residue from your shoes through your home, but we mostly do it because we're lazy and want to free our piggies as soon as we cross the threshold. 

And the thing is, I don't have to have expensive shoes.  I won't buy super cheap shoes, either, but I'm not a Manolo Whore.  Those are stunning shoes, don't get me wrong!, but I'm too practical to own a $600 (+/-) pair of shoes.  I need comfort, certainly, because I'm unlikely to wear a pair of shoes again if they hurt my feet or are ill-fitting.  I'm not like the Grimm Brothers' ugly stepsisters, cutting off bits of my feet to make a shoe fit.  I'm also partial to my bare feet enough that I won't shove them into shoes that will make them misshapen or hideous.  Nothing grosses me out quite like gnarled old lady feet, with hammer toes and bunions, especially when they're on someone under the age of 40.  If your shoes make your toes point at 45 degrees from their genetic position, please hide your feet from public view.  Seriously.  That's just disgusting. 

Because I'm on my foot soap box, I'm going to continue  this digression for just a moment.    I'm a big Amazon girl at 5'11, and I have appropriately-sized feet.  Guess what?  Any woman over the height of 5'9 is almost certain to wear a size 9 or larger.  Angeline Jolie wears a 9 or 10, depending on the shoe.  Paris Hilton wears an 11.  Sometimes I've been forced to fight a drag queen for the perfect pair of shoes.  I've even been known to loan my shoes to guys who either lost a bet or just wanted to get their girly on. 

Summer will be here soon, which means sandal season.  I love sandal season!  If nothing else, it's the perfect excuse for a regular pedicure.  And there's not much that makes me happier than a good pedicure.  I'm partial to bright, bold colors on my toes, usually metallic hot pink or purple, or the occasional red or blue.  I'll do designs sometimes, but I don't usually go for the French or American look.  (I'm not opposed to it on principal or anything.  It just doesn't suit me personally.)

But sandal season opens up a whole new can of potentially-disgusting worms.  First of all, trim your damn nails.  Those women whose toenails stick out way past the ends of their toes, like creepy long fingernails that have been glued to their feet--UGH!  It makes me want to gag.  They'll have been stylishly painted, in a multi-colored French pedi with some design on it, which is at least $20 more than the regular pedicure price.  Seriously?  Any nail tech who doesn't suggest you cut that shit needs to have their license revoked. 

And, ladies, if your toes hang off the ends of your shoes, they don't fucking fit!  If you're unsure of the size of your feet, have them professionally measured.  It's not that hard and just takes a moment.  Any woman who's ever had a baby knows there's a chance your feet will change size during pregnancy.  If they do, they don't shrink back; it's a permanent change.  (Thank God mine didn't change, or I'd be wearing skis everywhere I went.) 

Okay, I think I'm done bitching.  I feel much better, by the way. 

DH and I go back and forth about my love of shoes.  He was once appalled to learn that I bought a pair of shoes to wear with one specific outfit.  "You don't have anything else to wear them with, except that outfit?"  Well, duh.  That's how it works sometimes.  You start with a great accessory and build the look around it.  I can always find a fabulous outfit to wear with shoes I already have.  It's much, much more difficult to find an amazing shoe.

Shoes are often like a perfect little emotional accessory.  If you see a pair across the room and they whisper to you of their adorableness, it's like shoe kismet.  You just gotta try 'em.  If you do and you love them like they say you will, they can completely change your whole outlook on life when you wear them.  It's like the feeling of new shoes (Don't even get me started!), but it happens every time you wear them.  If you ignore the pleadings of the adorable shoes and leave the store without at least trying them on, it will haunt you for the rest of your life.  Any time you see a similar shoe, or you're in that store again, you'll remember how you almost held the perfect shoe in the palm of your hand.  The one that got away, and all that jazz.

 

Thankfully, my feet have stopped growing.  Shoes I buy now will still fit me in ten years. In fact, one of my favorite pairs of shoes are these black wedges with buttons that I've had for twelve years.  They still look new and fit beautifully.  And if the shoe is special enough, it will never, ever go out of your own personal style, regardless of trending in fashion.    

I cleaned out my closet last weekend and got rid of some shoes I didn't love anymore.  I wasn't ever going to wear them again, so they've been banished from my princessdom.  I had to make room for the fancy new ones I recently bought.  I've also requested a very specific pair of shoes for Valentine's Day, but I don't want to jinx it.  I'll share them when the time is right. 

My vices could be a lot worse, honestly, so DH will just have to deal with it.  He has his love of computers and guns, and I have mine of music and shoes.  Maybe we'll find a way to combine them.  Pink glittery, strappy sandals are okay for the range, right?  Good!  He can borrow them any time he wants.

 

Comments

[Lenore Como]

My favorite blog post so far.... LOVE LOVE LOVE this. I agree wholeheartedly. My husband has similar opinions regarding my shoe collection and obsession. Oh well, he will get over it!

[StephQJ]

I don't drink very often, and I don't do drugs. I'm really not a compulsive shopper, or a gambler. There could be a lot worse things to be obsessed with. I figure this is pretty tame compared to where I have been or where I could be!

[joshua l.]

Be very careful with your precious toes ladies. You don't wan to suffer the pain of having hammer toes. Good job with the article, Steph;)